This Woman Found Out Her Husband Has Been Telling His Coworkers That She's His SISTER, And I Have So Many Questions
by Emily Kling · BuzzFeedDo you find meeting your friend's or significant other's coworkers awkward? I kind of do, or have, in the past. And if you're anything like me, I want you to imagine that feeling...and then multiply it by 100.
Because ThrowRA-TakeawayCrab's post on the r/relationship_advice subreddit describes the most uncomfortable occurrence of meeting someone else's coworkers I've ever read.
Here's the story:
"My husband (I'll call him Josh) and I have been together for six years, married for four, and we don't have kids. We have a healthy and communicative relationship, we're both pretty easy-going, and I really love him."
"He started working at a large accounting firm about three years ago, and from what he tells me, he loves it there. He's made a lot of friends through his job, and he goes out with them for drinks and social events quite often."
"I've been totally okay with that. I'm quite introverted, so I've never been interested in meeting his colleagues or work friends, nor have I asked to. I've got my own circle of friends, and I'm fine with us having separate friend groups.
After what happened yesterday, it only just occurred to me that he has never actually asked me if I'd like to meet any of them or go to one of his work events.
I guess that's important context."
"Anyway, I'll start with what happened a few months ago that I had brushed off until now. I was at a bar with some friends for a couple of Friday after-work drinks, and a guy approached me (he was there with some friends, too). He looked slightly familiar, but I hadn't met him before. He seemed friendly enough and asked me, '[My name], right?' I must have just given him a confused look because he followed up with, 'I'm Jake. I work with Josh.'"
"I realized that I recognized him from some photos on my husband's phone (I don't use social media except for a private Instagram, so I'm not sure if he posted the photos anywhere. But we have a very trusting relationship, so I look in his photos sometimes — don't hate me).
This is where it gets a bit embarrassing."
"I'm a bit socially awkward, so I struggled to end the conversation, but he kept talking at me; I guess he was already a couple of beers deep. But while he was talking, he said something like, 'It's great that you guys are still so close. I haven't talked to my brother in ages.'"
"At the time, I was like, huh? But I assumed he was drunk and not making sense, so I ignored it. He started to get a little flirty, so I turned to my friends, and we left shortly after that.
I didn't say anything to them about it, and it didn't seem like a big deal to me."
"I also decided not to tell my husband I had met his coworker, Jake. I did not want to hide it, but because I figured the guy wouldn't even remember talking to me, I didn't want to make it awkward for Josh at work by telling him his colleague tried to hit on me. I just thought, No harm, no foul.'"
"But, yesterday morning, I was out walking our dog, Monty (he's a cross between a few breeds and has very unique markings - this matters, I promise) and was on my way to my regular cafe, which is in town. I was waiting in line to order, and the guy in front was an older man. He got his coffee and turned around, but stopped, looked at my dog, and said, 'Hello, Monty!!!'"
(^ This is not Monty, but it is the image in my mind of Monty looking up at this person.)
"Monty was super excited to see him, apparently, and so I guessed that the guy was another colleague of Josh's because Josh brings the dog to the office a couple of times a week."
"I thought it was sweet, to be honest, so I smiled at him and said 'Hi.'
He introduced himself (I guessed correctly that he was a colleague)."
"But then he said something like, 'Aren't you a good sister, walking his dog for him!'"
"I was so confused that I didn't know how to react at first, so I stumbled on my words and just said, 'It's my dog.'"
"I regret it, but I genuinely couldn't bring myself to correct him and say that I'm Josh's wife and not his sister. It was just too awkward, and I just wanted to leave because I think it was suddenly dawning on me what might have been going on."
"He asked me something about 'sharing a dog,' but I was able to escape the conversation by being next in line to order my coffee, and he left."
"I seriously don't know what to do because what the f**k????? Do I even ask my husband about this?"
"Part of me is just assuming or hoping that it's a mistake, that he doesn't talk about me much at work, and they assume we are related because we both have brown hair (???). But the thought that he has been telling his coworkers that I'm his sister (and evidently, they recognize what I look like, so they must have seen photos) makes my stomach churn. I don't know how to broach the subject with him."
"I need some help — what would you do in this situation? I have only told one friend what happened because it's so weird and embarrassing. She has jumped straight to 'time to plot his downfall' (because she's my ride-or-die, and I love her), but I don't want to immediately assume the worst or ruin my marriage over something that could be nothing."
"I would REALLY appreciate any and all advice!!"
Alright, well, that's the story.
Here are some of the comments on the post:
"Walk up to him and ask directly: 'Why are you telling your colleagues that I am your sister?!' Sorry, but this is nothing where you beat around the bush."
"Yep, also, it's only awkward because you think you own some shame in this OP, and you don't. Just be frank, 'I'm his wife, not his sister, this is my dog.' It's not awkward to tell the truth. It will be for Josh because he is a lying jerk, but that's not yours to manage. This would not make me feel safe with my spouse. He set you up to be hit on by his coworkers this way. It’s not okay at all."
"Does he not wear a wedding ring to work? Why does he need to hide the fact he's married? Sorry, OP, but this would send me into a tailspin. Find out as much as you can before confronting him."
Josh's wife has since updated the original post, saying she hasn't confronted him about the situation yet but plans to do so soon. You can read more about that here.
Welp, there you have it. So, what do you think? What would you do? Or has anything similar happened to you before? Let me know in the comments!
If you enjoyed this post and are interested in workplace vs. home-life dynamics, here is another post that is almost like the flip of this one (in which a man calls his colleague his 'work-sister' in response to her calling him 'work-husband').