Sweet Bobby victim insists she's not stupid

The shocking true story of a woman relentlessly pursued by a catfish first captivated true crime lovers in podcast format. Now it has finally been made into a Netflix documentary.

But as viewers watch the story of how Kirat Assi from west London was sucked into a fake relationship with a man she met online, some have questioned how on earth she could have fallen for the scam in the first place.

The 43-year-old from west London spent nearly a whole decade believing she was communicating online with an eligible cardiologist named Bobby Jandu and their friendship slowly blossomed into romance.

Now, six years after she discovered she'd been communicating with a fake version of Bobby the whole time, Kirat has hit back at people who have branded her 'stupid' for falling for the scam.

Speaking to the BBC she said: 'I'm not stupid, I'm not dumb. I'm the one that's chosen to speak.

'I'm the one that's put myself out in the firing line and I hope others will come forward.'

She added that she is finally trying to rebuild her life and is working 'harder than I should' to get her career back on track. 

The couple would at points speak on the phone nearly daily - the conversations at times becoming sexual - but they never met in person due to Bobby's outlandish excuses.

Whether he had been shot, placed in the Witness Protection Programme or even suffered a brain tumour, Bobby's claims were always backed up by family members and friends - or so Kirat thought.

The fake Bobby eventually became so obsessive and controlling that Kirat suffered from chest pains and was eventually signed off work due to stress.

After nine years of online communication, Kirat finally tracked down Bobby in person, only to find he had no idea who she was. As a confused Kirat tried to figure out what was going on, all became clear when the person who had masterminded the catfish scam came clean.

'Bobby' along with 50 other fake profiles in his network of 'friends' were being managed by her cousin Simran Bhogal; in whom Kirat had been confiding about her relationship troubles.

Kirat told BBC Asian Network News that she doesn't know why her cousin decided to catfish her for nearly a decade and has 'long given up' looking for answers.

'The extent to which that person went, you can't ever justify it,' she said. 'I can't understand why you didn't stop… what gave you pleasure from hearing somebody in pain.'

Kirat, who is from a Punjabi background, told the BBC that the South Asian community is generally 'scared to open up about these issues'.

She claimed that her own father 'doesn't want to know what happened' to her.

Kirat said: 'I love my dad and I know my dad loves me. It's a different set of values that he has been brought up with.'

The 43-year-old has been left wondering if the catfishing experience would have been different if she came from another background.

In 2009, Kirat, a prominent member of London's Sikh community, was working as an arts and events assistant for Hounslow Community Services and presenting a show on Radio Desi, a station for the Punjabi community. 

She was in a relationship when, out of the blue, she received a Facebook message seemingly from Simran's ex-boyfriend, JJ, asking for guidance on how to get her back.

The pair struck up a friendship and communicated over the next five months before she heard news that JJ had died, and Simran passed on the email address of his brother 'Bobby' to send her condolences.

The fake profile used the real Bobby's photos and some biographical details without his consent, and in November 2010, Kirat had her first encounter with the fake Facebook profile.

What is catfishing and is it illegal?  

Catfishing is the phenomenon of luring someone into a relationship by creating a fictional online persona.  

The phrase gained popularity after the 2010 American documentary Catfish and subsequent TV show. 

At present catfishing is not illegal however elements of the online activity could be covered by different parts of the law. 

For example, someone who has duped another person out of money could be prosecuted for fraud.

Legal experts involved with the Tortoise investigation believe that existing laws covering 'coercive and controlling' relationships should be adequate to bring a prosecution in Kirat's case (even though the coercive control was being exerted by a person who wasn't real). 

The pair started off developing a friendship and he told her he was married, with a child on the way. But Bobby soon began divulging details of his collapsing relationship.

'We weren't close, but I saw him as a friend, a little brother,' she told the Daily Mail in 2021.

In November 2013, she was at work when she received a Facebook message saying Bobby had been shot and was in a coma, suffering memory loss. Later in January 2014, she learned that he had died.

'I was invited to join a Facebook group of his friends. There were 39 people in it. I have since learned that none of them was real.'

Soon after, Kirat received an email out of the blue informing her that Bobby was actually alive but faked his own death and was hiding in a witness protection programme.

'Ridiculous,' she acknowledged. 'But at every step, these mad happenings were being backed up by other people.'

She was told 'Bobby' was drinking heavily and was suicidal. In 2015, she was informed he had suffer a brain tumour, followed by a stroke.

'Bobby' declared his love for Kirat some weeks before they actually 'got together' on Valentine's Day 2015.

'I was not expecting him to live. His consultant [there were also constant messages from his fake medical team] did not expect him to live beyond July,' she had said three years ago.

Her feelings about this 'dying man' were confused.

'I am not a mushy sort of person. When he said 'I love you', I didn't know what to make of it, but I did love him... as a friend, then.

'I also thought 'Where's the harm?' It's not as if I was ever going to be in a physical relationship with this person. But he kept putting the idea in my head. And everyone else kept saying: 'Oh, he's so in love with you'.'

Over the coming years the pair formed a relationship, exchanging several messages daily and their relationship even turned sexual - though Kirat never sent nude images of herself.

By 2017 'Bobby' was becoming controlling including an incident where he forced Kirat to pay for a private mammogram at a London hospital after she experienced chest pains - then flew into a rage when she told him the consultant had been male.

She was signed off her job sick, with stress and eventually was let go.

'I tried to find another one, but Bobby did not want me to work,' she had previously explained.

Kirat was desperate to meet Bobby in person, but every time an arrangement was made, something would happen - including once when he supposedly had a heart attack.

Following more and more outlandish claims from 'Bobby', Kirat hired a private detective and confronted the 'real life' Bobby - a happily married man with children who had no idea that his name was being used to launch a nine-year campaign of deceit.

Kirat, who featured in the hugely popular six-part Sweet Bobby podcast hosted by Alexi Mostrous, has previously spoken candidly about the horror of finding out who was behind the 'Bobby's he fell in love with.

She revealed how she 'vomitted' and 'passed out' when Simran eventually confessed to the truth on June 11, 2018.

Kirat said: 'I opened up to him - her! - telling him things about my hopes, dreams, my childhood, that I'd never tell anyone. I feel violated.'

'She has taken ten years of my life from me, years I will not get back. In that time I could have met someone real, had a baby. I lost my friends, my job, my savings.'