My BFF refuses to come to my hen do unless she can bring her baby

A bride-to-be has revealed her predicament after her best friend and maid of honour refused to attend the hen party unless she could bring her three-month-old baby. 

Taking to parenting platform Mumsnet, the woman explained that her 'oldest and closest friend' said she cannot go to hen do unless her baby can go too.

The woman, who is her 20s, said she feels 'strongly that a hen do is no place for a child' but she also wants to have her friend at the party.

Taking to the forum for advice, she asked other mothers if a three-month-old baby was too young to leave with the father for one night. 

The post read: 'We are in our late 20s and I have recently got engaged, and I don’t have children yet. My oldest and closest friend has just told me that she’s pregnant. She also moved to Dublin with her husband for their work.

'She is a co-MOH [maid of honour]. The current plan is for the hen to be a night out in Bristol, and I believe my other MOH is planning some sort of activity during the day as well. None of my other friends have children.

'Her child will be three months by the time we have the hen do, and she has said she cannot come unless the baby can come too. I feel strongly that a hen do is no place for a child, but I also desperately want her to be there as I so rarely get to see her given she has moved abroad.

'So I am turning to the mums out there! Is three months too young to leave and [am I being unreasonable] by telling her that her baby cannot come? I understand if that means she cannot come at all and would respect that.'

People rushed to the comments with their own thoughts, with some saying they understand why the new mother would not want to leave her baby at home. 

One person said: 'She isn’t unreasonable not leaving a three-month-old, not a chance in the world I would do it. Breastfeeding in itself would make it impossible.

'You are not being unreasonable not to have a baby at the hen do, it’s completely inappropriate.

'Only option is for her not to come and to do something separate to celebrate. Don’t make her feel bad for it and don’t accept her making you feel bad either.'

Another said: 'She can't bring a baby to a hen party BUT it's also too soon to expect her to leave the baby for a weekend. So sadly she can't come.'

Someone else said: '[You're not being unreasonable] - but you also have to accept that means she won't come. Very few new mothers would happily leave a baby that young to go off on a hen night.'  

The woman later added: 'Thank you! The issue is that she lives in another country so would have to travel and feels it is too early to leave her baby overnight, which I totally understand, so she’s asking whether we can have a baby friendly activity during the day. 

'I’m reluctant as it would become all about the new baby (understandably) and although I don’t want to be narcissistic, I put a LOT of effort into her hen do and also want to make sure it’s fun for everyone else making the effort to come!'

Many thought it was 'weird' of her friend to ask to bring a baby to the hen and include 'a baby friendly activity'.

One person said: 'No that’s totally not suitable to bring a baby to a hen do. It will completely change the dynamic, you won’t be able to have normal conversations, all focus attention will be on the baby.

'It limits venues to quiet pram friendly places. I think it’s so weird of her to even ask to bring a baby. Just tell her no, you all want to relax and let your hair down

'And yes, as others have said, husband should have the baby to let her go have a break!'

Another said: 'If it's a hen weekend, then I highly doubt people would want to do anything baby-friendly or spend more money on that just for her. The cheek of her to even suggest that. It would be a no from me.'

Someone else added: 'To be honest, also if I knew that someone’s baby was coming to a hen do I wouldn’t go.

'As a mother, I’d want a break and a child-free environment. Would also have strongly felt the same pre kids too. Be prepared for other hens to decline …'

A fourth said: 'No chance. I had similar with a very close friend. It’s tricky - and understandable but sometimes when women get pregnant they feel as though the universe centres around them and their baby. In their world it does which is understandable.

'I’ve been in a VERY similar situation but it too outing to put on here. But no, you're allowed a drunken night out on your hen do and that doesn’t include having to coo over a three-month-old. Maybe have an afternoon tea for mums with kids etc..'