Mum shares horrifying texts 'sent by abusive ex' after being told 'I'll kill you and him'

Businesswoman Catlina Payne opened up on the terrifying harassment she suffered at the hands of her former partner

An abusive boyfriend bombarded his partner with a string of terrifying messages as she tried to break up with him. In a series of threatening texts, Jos Shields told mum-of-two Catalina Payne he would "kill you and him" and "smash the whole f****** shop to pieces."

Alongside the threats, Shields would turn up at her place of work, call her hundreds of times a day, and on one occasion entered her home without her knowing and damaged it. So severe was the harassment and control, Catalina felt it was "more difficult to get rid of him than to keep him at bay".

She told WalesOnline: "It was easier to keep him thinking everything was fine." She constantly placated him and returned to their relationship saying his harassment would intensify "every time he was losing control."

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She shared some of the typical messages he sent her:

• "There's something you're not telling me – it's clear as f******* day. I'm not stupid – I'll find out who it is and I swear to God I'll kill you and him."
• "I'll bring it all down on the f****** pair of you"
• "I'm going to shoot the **** in the f****** face"
• "I am going to lose my head."
• "You want to see me do stuff wrong? All right, I'll do stuff wrong, I'll f*** us both up."
• "I'm stopping myself from coming back up there and smashing the whole f****** shop to pieces, leaving it in crumbs."

It was only after an incident where Shields was harassing members of staff at her business that she went to the police. By this point she was completely at a loss as to how to escape him.

While at the police station she received hundreds of calls from unknown numbers linked to Shields and when police visited her home to check its safety they found it had been entered and damaged.

Shields, 34, of Gerddi Margaret in Barry, was then arrested while Catalina and her children were placed into women's refuge for their safety. He was sentenced to 21 months imprisonment and made subject to a 10-year restraining order at Cardiff Crown Court on September 10 this year.

He previously admitted charges of harassment by putting in fear of violence and destroying and damaging property of a value unknown. The harassment was so all-encompassing at one point that Catalina, 31, said she has "no idea how I'm still here, how I survived it all". She added: "Some days I wonder how I've done it."

Now, despite him being jailed, Catalina said she fears the harassment will persist when her ex-partner is released and believes there is not enough support for victims of controlling spousal relationships. She said she now understands she struggled with co-dependency issues throughout their relationship and subsequent separations and wants to warn other women too.

Catalina and Shields met through mutual friends and she said while the relationship started off well, she soon "realised there was something wrong". She said: "He'd would be lovely but then he would switch on a dime – there would be no in-between."

She said his behaviour was controlling and he would "try and involve himself" in every aspect of her life but felt she didn't initially recognise the behaviour as "once you’re in it you’re stuck in it". However the harassment and threats peaked when she decided to leave the relationship in February 2024 and moved out of the house they shared in Aberdare to move to Barry with her children.

Shields then also moved to Barry and the pair briefly started seeing each other again. "I started noticing patterns of behaviour that I had recognised before so I started to distance myself, stopped seeing him as much," said Catalina, who owns White Lies Aesthetics and Beauty salon in Barry.

"But then when I went full no contact and blocked him that’s when he started showing up at the gym I go to. He would turn up at my work and then eventually he threatened me and my staff in the shop. He left me voicemails saying he was going to kill me. I went to the police station that day and by the time I got to the station I had around 350 missed calls off him that day.

"As soon as I ended it and blocked him it got really bad. He would turn up at the gym, email me strange things like he could see me in a shop, and then he would eventually start showing up at my shop. It was really, really horrific towards the end."

She said that "in his mind I wasn’t allowed to leave him and he could not fathom that I wanted to separate myself for my own peace and for my children’s peace". Catalina added: "In his mind the only possible reason was because there was another man, which is just not true."

Signs and symptoms of domestic abuse, according to Refuge

• Is your partner jealous and possessive?
• Are they charming one minute and abusive the next?
• Do they tell you what to wear, where to go, who to see?
• Do they constantly put you down?
• Do they play mind games and make you doubt your judgment?
• Do they control your money, or make sure you are dependent on him for everyday things?
• Do they pressure you to have sex when you don’t want to?
• Are they starting to walk on eggshells to avoid making him angry?
• Do they control your access to medicine, devices or care that you need?
• Do they monitor or track your movements or messages?
• Do they use anger and intimidation to frighten and control you?

Catalina said while she initially tried to keep their relationship "civil" after it ended his reaction and behaviour – especially after consuming drugs and alcohol – made her feel like it was easier to keep him happy. "Every time you tried to distance yourself he would lose his mind. I’d try and keep him happy and at bay but it becomes quite overwhelming at times.

"It was almost more difficult to get rid of him than to keep him at bay. It was easier to keep him thinking everything was fine." She said the harassment started to affect other people in her life which led her to reporting it.

"It wasn’t just affecting my life – it was affecting everyone around me. It took its toll on me – I couldn’t work properly, it was just a nightmare to be living with. It was a nightmare for everyone around me as they could see how it was affecting me but couldn’t do anything about it. They were panicking about my safety.

"It obviously wasn’t nice at all but it sort of becomes normal so in my mind at the time it wasn’t as bad as what it was. It was only when it was pointed out [that I realised]. You get used to that behaviour so it gets normalised."

Have you been affected by domestic abuse? We would like to hear from you. You can contact us by emailing stephanie.balloo@reachplc.com