The haunting texts a woman received from her ex partner

A businesswoman has told of the horrifying threats she suffered at the hands of her ex-partner.

Jos Shields left his ex-partner Catalina Payne terrified as he bombarded her with calls, turned up at her work and on one occasion entered her home and damaged it. Shields harassed Catalina as she tried to end their relationship.

Messages he sent her included: "There's something you're not telling me – it's clear as f***king day. I'm not stupid – I'll find out who it is and I swear to God I'll kill you and him." Another read: "I'll bring it all down on the f***cking pair of you" and "I'm going to shoot the c*** in the f***king face."

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Wales Online reported that the harassment and control got so bad that Catalina felt it was "more difficult to get rid of him than to keep him at bay". She said: "It was easier to keep him thinking everything was fine." She constantly placated him and returned to their relationship saying his harassment would intensify "every time he was losing control".

It was only after an incident where Shields was harassing members of staff at her business that the mother-of-two went to the police. By this point she was completely at a loss as to how to escape him. While at the police station she received hundreds of calls from unknown numbers linked to Shields and when police visited her home to check its safety they found it had been entered and damaged.

Shields, 34, of Gerddi Margaret in Barry, was then arrested while Catalina and her children were placed into women's refuge for their safety. On September 10 this year he was sentenced to 21 months imprisonment and made subject to a 10-year restraining order at Cardiff Crown Court after admitting charges of harassment by putting in fear of violence and destroying and damaging property of a value unknown.

The harassment was so all-encompassing at one point that Catalina, 31, said she has "no idea how I'm still here, how I survived it all". She added: "Some days I wonder how I've done it." Now, despite him being jailed, Catalina said she fears the harassment will persist when her ex-partner is released and believes there is not enough support for victims of controlling spousal relationships. She said she now understands she struggled with co-dependency issues throughout their relationship and subsequent separations and wants to warn other women too.

Catalina and Shields met through mutual friends and she said while the relationship started off well she soon "realised there was something wrong". She said: "He'd would be lovely but then he would switch on a dime – there would be no in-between."

She said his behaviour was controlling and he would "try and involve himself" in every aspect of her life but felt she didn't initially recognise the behaviour as "once you’re in it you’re stuck in it". However the harassment and threats peaked when she decided to leave the relationship in February 2024 and moved out of the house they shared in Aberdare to move to Barry with her children.

Shields then also moved to Barry and the pair briefly started seeing each other again. "I started noticing patterns of behaviour that I had recognised before so I started to distance myself, stopped seeing him as much," said Catalina, who owns White Lies Aesthetics and Beauty salon in Barry.

"But then when I went full no contact and blocked him that’s when he started showing up at the gym I go to. He would turn up at my work and then eventually he threatened me and my staff in the shop. He left me voicemails saying he was going to kill me. I went to the police station that day and by the time I got to the station I had around 350 missed calls off him that day.

"As soon as I ended it and blocked him it got really bad. He would turn up at the gym, email me strange things like he could see me in a shop, and then he would eventually start showing up at my shop. It was really, really horrific towards the end."

She said that in his mind "I wasn’t allowed to leave him and he could not fathom that I wanted to separate myself for my own peace and for my children’s peace". Catalina added: "In his mind the only possible reason was because there was another man, which is just not true."

Catalina said while she initially tried to keep their relationship "civil" after it ended his reaction and behaviour – especially after consuming drugs and alcohol – made her feel like it was easier to keep him happy. "Every time you tried to distance yourself he would lose his mind. I’d try and keep him happy and at bay but it becomes quite overwhelming at times.

"It was almost more difficult to get rid of him than to keep him at bay. It was easier to keep him thinking everything was fine." She said the harassment started to affect other people in her life which led her to reporting it.

"It wasn’t just affecting my life – it was affecting everyone around me. It took its toll on me – I couldn’t work properly, it was just a nightmare to be living with. It was a nightmare for everyone around me as they could see how it was affecting me but couldn’t do anything about it. They were panicking about my safety.

"It obviously wasn’t nice at all but it sort of becomes normal so in my mind at the time it wasn’t as bad as what it was. It was only when it was pointed out [that I realised]. You get used to that behaviour so it gets normalised.

"My children are the one and only reason I’m still here. They deserve a beautiful life and I know I’m the only person that can provide and love them to the best I can."

She also added that Shields "made me feel worthless, degraded, and like a piece of meat – like I was just a toy he didn’t want anyone else to play with". The businesswoman continued: "He never loved me – you don’t ever treat someone you love the way I was treated."

Shields was sentenced on September 10 but his court date had been adjourned several times, which Catalina said could be detrimental to anyone struggling with co-dependency issues. She said in the almost six months between his arrest and his court appearance she went back and forth in her mind several times.

"I didn’t know how I would feel [when he was sentenced] because obviously it is someone you once loved. I thought maybe I would be sad but actually it was just a huge relief. There is usually some co-dependency issues so for instance at one point I didn’t know if I wanted to proceed with the charges because I missed him.

"I felt like I was doing wrong by him – all sort of crazy emotions. Even to this day I will think that I miss him and I have to remind myself that it’s not actually love it’s a weird co-dependency thing."

She also said she felt there was a lack of support through the legal process and in particular with the delays in justice being served. "And with this court system where it was pushed back, pushed back, pushed back – when you’re in the mind frame of you know it’s the right thing to do but you still have these emotions for someone it’s really hard to stay strong.

"You build yourself up to it and then it’s cancelled and then it happens again. Nobody really bothered communicating with me anything."

After Shields was initially arrested Catalina and her children were placed in a refuge for her safety and while they had support from Women's Aid in being placed there she does not think there is enough psychological support for victims. She said she has since been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and depression following the relationship and has sought out private counselling due to waiting lists.

She added: "f there were specialised people there to support you with like co-dependency issues and trauma bonds and depression and all these things it would actually stop a lot of people going back because you understand it. You're surrounded by all these other people [in the refuge] that have been in a traumatic situation and you're all just trying to sort of muddle through and no-one's actually getting the help that you really need to actually break that cycle because you go back because you start to remember all the good things and you realise that it's so much easier just being with them. There’s no help for that.

"I think there should be way more support for women who have gone through it – especially when it is prolonged. You get withdrawals from it – it’s almost like coming off a drug, that highs and lows is mistaken for love. It takes a lot of work to work through that. I was lucky that I could afford that myself but there needs to be more out there."

If you, a family member, a friend, or someone you are concerned about has experienced domestic abuse or sexual violence you can contact the Live Fear Free Helpline 24 hours a day seven days a week for free advice and support or to talk through your options: 0808 801 08 00.