'I have HIV - but I won't pass it on to my baby'

Joseph Kibler, 35, was born HIV positive after contracting the virus from his mum - but she didn't know she had it until Joseph and his twin brother were born and started getting ill

Joseph Kibler, a 35 year old man who was born HIV positive, is expecting his first child and will not pass on the disease.

Joseph contracted the virus from his mother, who was unaware she had it until Joseph and his twin brother, John, were born and began showing flu-like symptoms. Tragically, John passed away at just 16 months due to pneumonia complications. Joseph only discovered he was HIV positive at the age of 10 when a doctor inadvertently revealed it, as his mother had wanted to shield him from the stigma.

Throughout his life, he kept his diagnosis a secret, but found that many people would "freak out" when he disclosed it. Thanks to antiretroviral therapy (ART), Joseph's HIV is considered "undetectable", meaning the virus cannot be transmitted.

In March 2020, he met Carey Cox, a 34 year old actress and writer, and they started dating. The couple got married in May 2023 and in July 2024, they discovered they were expecting their first child.

An emotional Joseph, an actor and writer from New York City, US, said: "I burst into tears when we got the news that we were expecting."

He added: "For me, it felt like breaking a cycle, it gave us a chance to start fresh. All that stuff that I had dealt with and held onto was washing away. It felt like a weight was lifted and I could get into a new chapter of my life with my beautiful wife."

At only 10-years-old, Joseph discovered he was HIV positive, a condition passed on from his mother which also affected and led to the death of his twin brother at 16 months old. Joseph shared, "My mum gave it to me and my twin brother - who died at 16 months due to complications with pneumonia."

Adding to the emotional tale, Joseph recalled, "My mum didn't know she was HIV positive until my brother and I started getting ill."

Dealing with the diagnosis in the mid-90s meant facing intense stigma, which led to Joseph's mother advising him to conceal his HIV status. "It was the mid 90s, kids were being bullied and getting kicked out of school for being HIV positive."

Furthermore, "Kids were being barred from playing with one another. It was very scary - a week after finding out we were studying HIV and the death rates at school."

The journey of opening up about his condition was especially daunting when it came to relationships, but everything changed for Joseph when he met Carey. The two initially connected through their talent agency for disabled actors in March 2020.

Joseph explained the significance of their shared experiences: "Usually the conversation had been hard for me, trying to date I went through a series of different disclosures in figuring out the right way to tell someone."

"The hardest thing for me was connecting with someone, getting to know them and then disclosing that I am HIV positive and them not being OK with it."

"That process kept getting faster and faster to the point that I would tell people very early on in the relationship."

"Carey knew from the start of knowing me that I was HIV positive - before we even entered into a relationship it was known."

When they first encountered each other, Joseph resided in Los Angeles while Carey was over in New York City, having landed a role in 'The Glass Menagerie' on Broadway. The couple endured long-distance challenges, frequently flying to see one another until Joseph made the decision to return to his native New York City.

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In a romantically charged moment at the airport in August 2022, Joseph awaited Carey's arrival to propose. Recounting the proposal, Joseph shared: "I proposed when Carey got off the plane and into my car, I would always try to show up with coffee for her."

"I got an empty coffee cup and put the ring inside."

he continued, describing how Carey initially mistook the cup for empty until the big reveal.

"When she got off the plane she thought it was an empty cup and then I popped the question."

The lovebirds legalized their union with a ceremony in Manhattan, New York City, in May 2023, witnessed by both their mothers. A larger celebration in Savannah, Georgia followed in September 2023.

Reflecting on the engagement, Carey expressed: "When he popped the question, I felt silly for not realising the ring was in the cup and then we were very happy."

She added poignantly, "We knew it was in the stars."

The wedding thrill was shared with family as much as possible, Carey disclosed: "Our mums were able to fly out and join us for our legal wedding and then we had around 30 of our closest family and friends come out to Georgia."

In July 2024, Carey and Joseph were elated to discover they were expecting their first child, due in spring 2025, though choosing to keep the gender a surprise. The happy news came sooner than anticipated for the couple.

Carey explained: "Going into the relationship I knew about HIV and that if Joseph was undetectable then we would be able to have a child who was HIV negative."

She added, "When Joseph approached the topic he asked if I knew about HIV and I did."

They had both hoped for a family but thought it might take considerable time, "We spoke about wanting children and wanting a family, we thought it was going to take a long time for us."

Initially, there were concerns the baby might inherit EDS (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome), but after consulting with their doctors, they received reassurance. Joseph stated: "We had consulted our doctors and I am going to them every three months to make sure I am undetectable."

Addressing those uncertain about their decision, Joseph stressed: "To those who have expressed concern about our decision to have children, we counter that while being pro-choice, we also believe in the value and importance of disabled life."

He continued, affirming their stance regarding their upcoming child's quality of life amidst existing medical advancements, "Especially when risks to a child are minimal and manageable in light of tremendous medical advances, our involvement in disability pride and disability justice has reassured us of a high quality of life for our child and the ability to thrive."

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