Phillip Schofield says he had everything in place for suicide attempt

He was once the king of daytime television and one of ITV’s highest paid stars.

But when disgraced presenter Phillip Schofield quit the channel last year after he admitted to having a relationship with a much younger male colleague on This Morning - and later lying about it - he said things became so dark that he planned to take his own life.

In his much criticised television comeback on Channel 5 programme Cast Away he tells how he had ‘everything in place’ for a suicide attempt, but decided against it when his eldest daughter Molly persuaded him not to.

Speaking on the first episode of the three-part series which airs on Monday, the former This Morning host, 62, said: ‘In the last eighteen months, it got as dark as it is possible to get.

‘A year ago I got so, so close. I had everything in place, everything was set up and everything was ready and it was Molly that was looking after me.'

He explained: 'Molly and Ruby both looking after me at the time, and Molly said: “Do you imagine what this would do to us if you actually managed to pull this off? Can you imagine what would happen and can you imagine what it would do to me if you did this on my watch?”

‘That was just enough, just enough to take a step back from the edge. I could have been hospitalised, I just raced to the family home and shut the gates and I was in there.’

He later pays tribute to his wife Stephanie Lowe, Molly, 31, and his youngest daughter Ruby, 28, saying: ‘Without them, I wouldn’t be here.’

Schofield’s return to television comes 16 months after he was forced to apologise to the Mail for lying about his affair with his former This Morning colleague. 

He also lied to ITV and his former co-host Holly Willoughby about the romance and he hasn’t worked since.

But during the programme, he addresses the relationship, saying: ‘It’s like the biggest grenade going off in your life. You know you let people down, you know you’ve let yourself down. 

'It was an unwise and unprofessional thing to do. I will be forever sorry. I screwed up. I made a mistake, and I hurt the people around me.’

Schofield’s admission that he had enjoyed the romance came three years after he came out as gay live on This Morning, with Ms Willoughby at this side.

It was a secret he had kept from his entire family and his colleagues but he says he is proud of revealing the truth about his sexuality, saying: ‘I’m very proud of what I did, and I know that coming out for so many people is liberating. And it’s freedom on a plate.

‘Absolutely. Be yourself. Live your life to the absolute full. That’s the saying just live your best life. But for me, doing it later in life, at the moment it’s just given me more, um, anguish than joy, because I’m fully aware of the damage that it leaves.’

Indeed, for his family it was extremely difficult. ‘When my dad came out, it was, it was very hard for me,’ reveals Molly. ‘It was very hard for the entire family. Mainly my mum, of course, everything was turned upside down. But we talked through it and over time it’s got easier.’

Despite the affair and coming out as gay, Schofield wears his wedding ring throughout the show - proving he is still married to Stephanie. During the show she breaks her silence on the scandal, hinting at her own ordeal when she says: ‘What people don’t realise is that they batter you but then there are other people affected.’

Molly, who works as her father’s publicist, adds: ‘We’ve seen him in his lowest times, but I’ve been so proud of him, and as a daughter to see the love that people had for him that when it’s taken away it’s just heartbreaking.’

She added: ‘Weirdly everything that’s happened recently has made us closer.’

Schofield notably doesn’t mention Ms Willoughby or his former lover who he signed a mutual non-disclosure agreement with earlier this year in return for a six-figure payment to him.

He will leave viewers wondering whether he is referring to Ms Willoughby when he said: ‘When you throw someone under a bus, you’ve got to have a really bloody good reason to do it.’

In another outburst, Schofield said: ‘: ‘I miss most of it. But there are bits that I really, really, really don't miss. You learn a lot about people. I don't miss that.’

Since his exit from television, Schofield says he ‘spent days in bed’ where he would watch the news ‘in a daze.’

As for what he thinks of his return to the limelight, Schofield admits he expects little sympathy. ‘I am not doing this as a poor me,’ he says. ‘I don’t think I have a right. I don’t have a right to to a poor me.’